I should be thankful - Originally posted 22 May 2006

Too often, I plague myself with unnecessary questions and play in my head unnecessary scenarios.

My parents had me when they were rather old; they were around 40. So now, they are in their early 70s. But even so, for the past, oh, 10 years, I've been dreading for them to get sick but, mostly, for them to die.

I used to wake up in the middle of the night, in cold sweats, at the thought. Thankfully, that has passed.

Every week, hubby and I go to Cracker Barrel to have breakfast. Having breakfast in a restaurant has been almost like a ritual every weekend for many many years. One that we had in Quebec and that moved with us here.

Now, anyone who has ever been at Cracker Barrel's knows that a lot of old people go there. It's actually funny to see us, two goths, usually dressed up in some sort of goth regalia (usually on the more casual side, though), rocking on those rocking chairs, next to old people... and then we enter our usual Cracker Barrel and everyone greets us with a big smile... hilarious. But back to the point... There are lots of old people and seeing them is a bitter-sweet thing of realizing how lucky my parents are to be in good health to the dread that they will be using a walker or a cane like that person does.

Well, yesterday, I saw this old woman who must have been in her 80s. She was wearing grey sweat pants and a matching grey sweat shirt and some Nike sneakers. She was hard of hearing as evidenced by either her son or son-in-law talking loudly at her but, otherwise, she seemed to be great shape. Heck, her shoes seemed like they were meant for walking! Know what I mean?

So, again, the bitter-sweet thoughts entered my mind... except that they were replaced by something different this time: I felt thankful. I realized how I should thank every single thing that I believe in that 1) my parents are in such great shape for their age (which is often a prayer that I do), 2) that they look so young and have such a great life (which, again, I often offer my thanks for), and...

the new thing...

3) that their lives were relatively easy and without hardship; the worst hardships might have been caused by a teenage daughter and her harsh words... and I was a good kid... so they had a VERY good life... and for THAT, I should be thankful for... even IF they died today, their lives were mostly free of burden and they were rather happy ones... ones worth living... And for that, I should be very thankful!