What's up with that acronym??? S.A.D. stands for Seasonal Affective Disorder. I call it seasonal depression... I don't get where the "affective" comes from... my affections are doing great! But I do feel somewhat moody, under the weather, blah, blue, call-it-watcha-want... In my lingo, that's depression. But I'm not the one making the big bucks.
So, if my rant is not too hard to follow, yes, I just admitted to fully earning my SCA name, Céleste LaMélancolique (yes, mélancolique = melancholic). Anyway, I'm feeling it... I'm feeling my usually chirpy spirit slipping away. I hate it. I shall spend some time under my lamp later today.
I was reading about that SAD thing and the onset is often seen in women in their thirties... damn! That's when it started. Oh and have no fear... should I require more than just lamp therapy, I'll be seeking that treatment. I work for a pharmaceutical company who has a strong neuroscience area so I know about these treatments. And I am a strong proponent of seeking treatment when needed. (And I still resent Tom Cruise for adding some more stigma to depression but I love the CBS commercial with Mandy Pattinkin that dispels some misconceptions.)
I am hoping that the upcoming vacation to Florida is going to help. Boy, I need a vacation. I have no patience left. I hate my work and have been hating it for quite some time and I really love my job... normally... Today is actually a day at work when I am waiting for stuff. I haaaaaaaaaaate when that happens. And I was asked to take on another project... well, that's it folks... you can't add more stuff to my plate as it's full now. I'm also overseeing work outsourced to another company and, man, that always require more work than they think ("they" being the powers that be above me).
I feel like I don't have time for anything... or maybe, more accurately, I don't take time... but I feel like I really don't have the time... I want to do some more belly dancing. I haven't done additional practices in like forever. I want to do some sewing projects. I want to do those damn molds. I want to work on my yoga/dance room. Heck, I don't even play WoW, it seems. Where is my time going?
Well, I'm going to the gym and then I'm spent. Makes sense. It's very important. It will be my best tool to lose weight. I'm very proud of us because, even if we have busy schedules and even if I (unfortunately) need to work until late, we still go. Last night was particularly painful, though, as it was inordinately hot in there. Whoahee! I feel blah too when it comes to the gym and weight loss. I feel like I haven't lost that much. I do see changes. But the weight on the scale hasn't changed much. And my measurements have not changed since the last time that I measured myself but then again that is a faulty thing for me too because the only measurements that I took were the traditional ones for sewing: chest, waist, hips. So I may have lost a lot below the hips (especially in my thighs and back thighs) but I couldn't say how much because I have not measured that area. I'm so impatient when it comes to weight loss! I wish that it was just a switch. I know that it's not like that. I know that I am in this for the long haul but it's as if my brain knows it yet forgets it... it's probably more of a matter that I know that's what it is but I haven't accepted it yet. Of course I have all these big plans (mainly clothes-wise) for when I will be thinner but that won't be until a while... so I feel a bit on standby and me no like standby mode.
Food-wise, it's not too bad but we ate at restaurants a few times... I like food too much. Oh well.
I have been blessed with a cool realization thanks to yoga. Why it happened? I have no idea. But, lately, I realized how I don't need anything... meaning that I don't need new shoes (Jeff is going to die when he reads this), that I don't need new clothes (my closet is full of clothes), things like that. I hope that the feeling will spread to other things too. Heck, if I could let go of that feeling of "want" regarding food that would help, right? But those realizations just come to me when they want to... like I knew all that but now I feel it. Very different. Anyway, I'm getting weird,
I guess. I actually feel better now that I rambled. lol
Comments I had received
From Cap'n Corrie:
I suffer from it too Luckily it hasn't been too bad this year thus far - October is usually my worst month - at least it has been so in the past. Cheers to you babe! Be well.
From Molly:
I need a sun lamp too. Does it help? Hang in there on the working out. You'll be happy that you did, plus you just feel better even if the scale doesn't show a change. And I really needed to hear your yoga realization. That helped a lot. I think I should make a wall plaque or something for my house as a reminder. Thanks for sharing! :)
From Parvaneh:
So sorry you're not your usual perky self. It sounds like a vacation in a warm sunny place will be just what you need! Sun, warmth, and a break from work!! Now if that time until vacation would just hurry by, eh? {{{ hugs }}} I hope you feel better about things soon!
From Stella:
So glad you have a vacation coming up. Sounds like you will really enjoy yourself and come back refreshed. Plus the people at work will understand just how much you are doing.
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