So I've been battling image issues for the past month or so. I've been exercising regularly for the past few weeks, so that's good. I'm really proud of myself.
But when I exercise and watch what I eat and such, I have a narcissistic tendency (or maybe it's a masochist one) to look at myself in the mirror on an almost daily basis to see if I perceive a change somewhere. This week, my skin was very loose from all that training so I thought that I looked like everything was sagging... and then I was looking basically just at the region from my breasts to my knees and it hit me: I looked like the Goddess... you know, the bountiful figure that is depicted in pagan symbolism... So I turned to Jeff and declared, "I am The Goddess! I shall be worshipped." And I started laughing.
So I don't quite feel so bad about my shape right now. I still want to improve upon it... but the focus of everything has changed. So instead of seeing myself (and telling myself) that I am fat or obese, I try to say that I am bountiful. And I have changed the focus of my exercise, too. Instead of thinking, "Oh geez! I have to exercise to lose weight.", I see exercising as a way to make my dance stronger, leaner, etc. So it does not seem as tedious as it used to. Funny how changing one's perspective changes a lot.
I read a uber great article last night in the Yoga Journal (unfortunately, I can't seem to find the article online). There was a woman who had never really cared about herself too much until her husband left her and she fell into a mid-life crisis combined with depression. She didn't feel pretty and was commiserating about herself. And there is always that conflicting thing of, well, it's shallow of me to think that I should feel pretty but, well, I don't and it hurts... so that's what her thoughts were. She finally talked about it to a good friend of hers who is a VERY avid yogini. The yogini's advice was that she needed some time in front of her mirror. The woman was thoroughly confused but the yogini said that, if she couldn't see how beautiful she is, what else was she not seeing?
So the woman did comply with the advice, which included getting a new haircut, buying something new to wear, putting on some new makeup, and standing in front of the mirror, in a sort of meditation. The first few times (like 4 or 5), not only did she feel ridiculous, but she would end up crying. And then, slowly, she started to feel compassion for the reflexion in the mirror and her compassion towards herself helped her heal and helped her see the beauty that was hers.
I thought that it was a very powerful thing... and maybe a type of assessment/meditation that all women should do. We have a STRONG tendency to be so overly critical of ourselves. So I think that I shall try that from time to time... just to see what I find in that mirror. I already started and did that last night after taking a bath... and I found my big blue eyes. ;o)
Comments I had received
From Haifa:
Over critical of ourselves.... YES! I agree 100% with that. Why are women so hard on ourselves? I don't get it? Is it the fashion industry or is everything in our heads? Not everyone can be or should be a size 2. You, my dear, are curvy and should be proud of your curves. Your beautiful!!! I can see working out to build strength and tone but don't harm yourself with silly diets. As for the mirror meditation.... humm.. I think that maybe I will try it too. Maybe that too will help with a self confidence issue. *squeeze*
From me:
I don't think that it's just the fashion industry and the media... although, it could... but I think that, somehow, women always have a deprecating view of themselves and never feel good enough... Is it a side effect of our sensitivity? Who knows? No worries about the diet. When I was about 18, I tried a diet that was almost like starvation... I'll never do that again... I stayed on it for all of 7 days! ;op There is this one diet from Quebec that is somewhat similar to Weight Watchers that worked well for me. The concept is basically moderation in everything. So I am following somewhat loosely that diet. I am in this for the long haul... what I'm aiming for is really a matter of just using moderation and making better food choices. And the gym feels sooooooooooooo good! My arms are so much stronger! Okay, now I gotta remember to do some crunches every now and then to have better abs. I do have a tendency to have a 6-pack so I it to ripple when I do belly rolls! Muhahaha!
From Haifa:
Yes, Ken has learned that diets don't work.... eating (healthy.. with cheating every now and then) in moderation seems to be the key. We just got one of those home gyms (similar to bowflex but a quarter of the price) that he works out with ... I think its every other day. He needs to keep in good shape due to working in a prison and also for a longer life. I'm glad that you're feeling better... mind, body and soul.
From Badriya:
That was a really good article, the one in Yoga Journal--I know I'll be thinking about it for a long time.
No comments:
Post a Comment