I'm just such a silly girl at times! I often plague myself as to whether I am "goth enough." The thing is that I am not 100% typical goth. And, per Voltaire's book 'What is Goth?' (www.amazon.com/gp/product...314-0794237 I am a Candy Goth (which really is a good description of my goth-ness) so, as such, I'm not all high victorian style... anyway, I oscillate between Anime style and Romanti-goth.
It also seems to me like there are some chicks that will just wear something black and, Tada!, are instantly goth-looking. With my long black hair now and especially since my new bangs (à la Betty Page, a staple of the goth look), the days when I ask myself if I am goth enough are getting fewer.
However, there is still a part of me that sometimes question myself. That's obviously the same negative voice for everything, that is tempting me to reconsider whether I am really a good dancer, that is telling me that I'm just plain fat, etc.
Well, if I look back when I was younger, I always liked the villains more than I liked the good guys. And there are other clues like that, which indicate that I should have been goth earlier... well, more like I should have been an "out of the broom closet" goth earlier... because I was already kind of goth.
And Wolfsheim put it best in one of their songs, "Darkness is a state of mind." ;o)
Anyway. This weekend, Jeff couldn't help but laugh at me and point out how goth I am. I am getting excited about Gencon, which is starting this Thursday, and I was looking at the different options that I'd like to buy from this place called Hirst Arts Fantasy Architecture Inc.(www.hirstarts.com) and I was looking at their catalogue and they sell molds to make scenery for games and I was in awe (and oohing and stuff) at their Gothic Graveyard mold (www.hirstarts.com/grave/grave.html). Jeff was like, "Honey, you should see yourself drooling over a graveyard... You're sooooo goth!" Well, well... I guess that I am sooooooooo goth! ;op
Comments I had received
From Haifa:
*sigh* I'm dying to get Voltaire's books... even if its just for a giggle or two. Hun... your look is FANTASTIC! You are surely Goth. There is no question in my mind. Humm.. although now I will have to buy his books just to see what the defination of Candy Goth is. ;) I too worry about this although I am still a 'closet goth' as I call myself. Although I'm out of the broom closet (mostly anyway)... coming out of the goth closet may have to wait. I however want to do a total makeover soon. I think on Thursday I'm going to get my hair done... so excited and due to dancing heavily and exercising more than I ever have before in my life, thus increasing my body size due to muscles... I need new clothing. My husband even seems excited about the prospect of a 'new' me. Maybe I will be coming out of the closet at last... who knows? The question I should ask is... how do your parents/in-laws take it? My in-laws are staunch Republicans. My mother-in-law was NOT happy when I got my piercings.... not sure how they would act about totally going goth. Ack... rambling!
From me:
Thanks!
I've had a lot of people complimenting me on my goth-ness and how I am dark enough. I still need the positive reinforcement.
Well, I was looking for Voltaire's definition online but I found this, which is a good description... and anyone who knows me knows that it's pretty much dead on. lol
(definition has commentaries by moi in parens)
"They are generally cute girls who wear black gloths and mix in bright neon colors along with it. (okay, I don't wear "neon" colors... well, maybe I do sometimes) They generally like the "goth" music, metal rock, and stuff like that. These people are generally people who are happy and dont feel the need to be depressed or anti-social. (Indeed!)Generally when you picture this girl she has pigtales (I've often been seen in pigtales), a black skirt (yup) and a tanktop (I have big arms so it's t-shirts instead of tanktops) with neon pink socks (not pink... striped red and black... striped purple and black... striped white and black... striped purple and pink... oh wait! That's pink!) and boots (used to be flame boots but I have lost them... so it's kick a$$ New Rock boots now). Most people consider them posers because they are ok with being themselves and other friends besides goths (that's why I'm plaguing myself with questions)... but those are the people who are the least poserish, because they are true to themselfs and do not care what people think of them... (love you man! Whoever wrote this, I love you!) i give you my respect !! CHANGE FOR NO ONE!!!"
Other things related to Candy Goth are like wool hair falls. Check my profile pics for proofs! ;op
I never quite hid it from my in-laws. They don't really care... except for my father-in-law who sometimes teases me but he would tease me whatever I would do. I once went to my in-laws' house after getting some red in my black hair (gosh, that hairdo was nice; had short hair back then) and my father-in-law teased me that, next, I was going to go with the punks and wash car windows at street corners. He thought that it was so hilarious that he wanted a pic with me. I'll try to remember to scan that pic. It's a fun one!
I used to hide it desperately from my parents. I didn't want them to find out too much. I would still wear lots of black but not my all-out goth stuff. I have always been afraid of disappointing my parents, hence why I did this (and a number of other silly things). Well, after moving all the way to the Midwest, I decided that it was time for me to dress however I please in front of my parents because, well, there's no point in being different just a few days in the year and, heck, they won't be disappointed. Turns out that they looooooooooooove all my fishnet stuff and my look. They never made a bad comment. True, I still tone it down in front of them but, what they've seen, they like.
Hypocritically, though, when I go to the mall with my parents and we see another goth, they say something like, "Have you seen how that person is dressed? hmpf!" Then, I look myself up and down and ask whether they have seen the way that I'm dressed (which is usually pretty close). Ah, but it's different. Apparently, I look good in those clothes! They are sooooooooooooo biased!
From Alhena:
As long as you consider yourself goth, then you are. No need to worry 'bout what others think, dear! At least, that is my approach to the matter! I love the picture, BTW
From Haifa:
Hey... yeah, I can see how that fits you. :) I can see elements of myself in it too... happy, not always depressed (unlike last year... sucky year). But no, I don't wear neon colors at all. I too have tried to hide what I am.... witch and... goth? *shrugs* But now I'm just trying to be me. I know that if my sister (Mrs. Doctors wife that she is) sees me now, she and her hubby will make some rude comments. I know it. My mother though, would not have understood ... at all. Maybe thats why I started 'doing my own thing' after she passed. Although I miss her terribly, I can now be free to be myself (well, almost except for the looks and comments from my in-laws. Oh well, they think BDing is strange.) Heck girl, I should be taking goth-tips from you! ;) I'm thinking about going darker with my hair.. not totally black but close... and maybe purple or blonde strieks in it. What do ya think? Humm.... do goths have fashion advisors????? ;)
From me:
Thanks guys!for the posts! ;o) Yes, I consider myself goth... therefore, I am goth. ;o) Oh yes goths can have fashion advisor/consultants. I often wish that I had one for my makeup... but Jeff is definitely a VERY good advisor when it comes to look... except that he's not AT ALL anywhere near Candy Goth so, for him, I'm wearing waaaaaaaaaay too many colors. lol Oh yeah, I forgot to mention what Voltaire said was a somewhat negative aspect of Candy Goth: you still get carded even if you're over 30... and, boy, is that true! Oh and the music in the definition that I pasted is not accurate. Voltaire had it best (Haifa, girl, you gotta have that book. When's your birthday?) by describing it as going more towards the industrial, electronica, trance stuff, without going all the way to the Cyber Goth (who like the "oonce oonce oonce" stuff; say it fast and you'll get what I mean). Haifa, I definitely understand where you're coming from. I work for a pharmaceutical company here so I was afraid that me being goth would not work but, heck, it's actually a distinctive factor now where everyone knows who I am because of how I dress, my accent, and my personality. And being noticed is a good thing in a big pond like here! ;o) So don't be afraid of who you are: people will love you anyway! The more "me" I am, the more people like me... and if they don't, I don't want them in my life anyway (and I can still be polite with them).
From Haifa:
Celeste.. your the bestest!I can imagine where its a big 'iffy' in your line of work... but I can see you being professional no matter what. Your just a beautiful, sweet person! Do you live in a small town or a bigger one? I guess I don't mind people looking at me.. as long as they're nice to my kids. Small town mentality is rather scary. Yes, I have to get myself to the book store and pick those books up. For some reason, I just keep forgetting when I'm there. Dooh! (Feb 25th...my b-day. 35 this year.. ick!) Oh.. well, guess what? It looks as if I WILL be coming out of the goth closet. My darling hubby purchased an x-mas gift for me today over ebay. (we buy things throughout the year so we don't have to drop alot of money all at once.) I'm getting a black battenburg (sp?) lace parasol!!!!! Yay! Now I can look cool while keeping the burning rays of the evil sun off of me at the kids baseball games! :D sorry to be taking up your blog space... should probably just message ya
From me:
No worries...We can PM each other or exchange on the blog... no biggie at all! Heck, our discussion might take some goths out of the closet! lol I work for a mid-size pharmaceutical company in a mid-size town. I live in Indianapolis IN. So it's like not that big a town yet not that small, ya know? I have just stopped noticing people staring at me... to a point where I'm missing all the fun. :( Like when I was in NJ and looked like Wednesday Adams and people were staring at me. I had no idea. Last year, at Gencon, I was wearing dreads for my fabulous friend Kat, co-creator of Dreadful Ewe Dezigns, and people were staring at me, per what my friend Bill said, and I completely failed to notice! lol I have to admit that, here, people are rather... ahem... polite. Like when I put some lovely red streaks in my black hair (boy, that was cool hair; wish I could do it again but covering that red was just so damn hard that it's not really worth it)... those who loved it said so... those who didn't like didn't even mention that my hair had changed... they made absolutely no comment. Apparently, per what Kat told me, that's very typical of people around here. And, honestly, it's better than when I was in Quebec. Back in Quebec, if you are goth, you are automatically a "bum". Here, you are different and (most) people are genuinely intrigued and ask questions just because they want to understand. There are a few who think that you may be satanist or something stupid like that and will try to convert you during a 5-minute conversation at a McDonald's... Well, if there is a generalization to be done, here in the Midwest, they are either intrigued and will ask questions or they will assume that we are satanists and ask questions. Obviously, at work, I tone it down a lot but they pick up on my goth vibe anyway. Men have a tendency to relax around me because they sense that I'm not a harrassment complaint waiting to happen so they joke with me and are very at ease. Most women don't feel threatened by me, thankfully. And I very rarely get the vibe that they are thinking "B!tch!"... that's really when my neckline is a bit low rather than anything else. ;op So it's a rather cool situation. The only other vibe that I sometimes feel is that I feel like some people wish that they could be free to be themselves like I am. Man, it took me yours to get there! But I sincerely think that people should just be themselves, pretty much whatever that is. People would be happier, less repressed, and, therefore, less angry! I'm rambling on again! It's no surprise that I'm a writer, eh? (My job is to be a medical writer.) That's a super cool idea to shop all year around. Actually, Miss Manners (do you know her? Love her columns!) would be proud of you guys. She always says that you shouldn't wait at the last minute to buy whatever junk but, instead, throughout the year, you should be on the lookout for what would be a great gift for so-and-so. I would sooooooo love to have one of those parasols! It might help me keep my beautiful milky white skin! ;o) Btw, our parasol for the beach is one of the most ungoth thing ever... it has fruits and multiple colors! So we were thinking that we may look online for a better looking parasol or we will buy one in white fabric and paint it black, except that we would leave some white... in the shape of skulls and bone! Muhahaha! I have a feeling, Haifa, that your hubby would like for you to be more goth or, more accurately, he would like for you to be more you. Enjoy his advice and stuff! It seems to me like your hubby and my hubby are alike in that they have great taste look-wise and such! Well, heck, they chose us so, of course, they have great taste, right? ;op
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