I don't know exactly what got me there... but it seems that I am in a relatively strong Zen state. By "Zen", I mean that it seems that my bad temper and my sometimes moody state don't come around as much.
Last night was a prime example of that.
Last night was supposed to be the first night of my beginners class. No one showed up. Normally, I would have been very upset, I probably would have cried a little. Anyway, I figured that I better wait for almost the whole length of the class just in case someone would show up. So, in the meantime, I put some music on and practiced. I had this big beautiful room with lots of mirors all to myself. It was a blast, actually! ;o)
What's the expression again? If life throws you eggs, you make an omelette. ;op Oh no... It's if life throws you lemon, make lemonade. It was so hot that a lemonade would have been good. lol
I realized how badly I need a miror now. The rate limiting step right now is that we have to take a stuff out of the future yoga/dance/sewing/guest room. Looking at myself improv in front of the miror was definitely different. I had the little negative voice in my head telling me that it was not good but I shut it down by telling it that I was just dancing for myself, just for fun, and that it's really experimentation right now. ;o)
Anyway, back to the Zen state. After long enough, I went to the grocery store. Now, normally, because of what had happened that night and a few other things that happened yesterday, I would have used that as an excuse to pig out with food. I would normally very much have bought like cake or ice cream or whatnot. Well, while dancing, I definitely realized that losing a little chunk would help the moves look clearer (i.e., not lost in some jiggle from da belly; lol).
But, actually, I didn't even get to the point where I felt blah: I told myself that, whether I throw a fit, become angry, or eat the whole grocery store, it doesn't change the fact that no one showed up and that my next course of action was to contact the ladies today and see whether they are still interested. So I bought a big tray of cut fresh fruits (with the good little yogurt dipping sauce) just to be sure that I wouldn't be tempted to get anything else that was not healthy. ;o) I also noticed that, nowadays, whenever I start feeling the tell-tale signs that a "blah" episode is coming, I remember the end of the Erich Schiffmann practice tape (Yoga Mind & Body; it has Ali MacGraw as the main person but it's really Schiffmann who does the practice instructions) where he says that you should realize that you can reach this state (i.e., a state of openness and unity with the universe) at any time... it is just within your reach... So that helps a lot. I feel sooooooooooo at peace in Savasana. Actually, I just read an article about finding serenity in Savasana... serenity is the correct word... ;o) So, whenever I start feeling the pull in negativity, I try to reach for that serene state, which I call my Zen state. Sometimes it doesn't work... but sometimes it does.
I just feel more centered these days and it's a good thing. Oh and that means that NO ONE will rain on MY parade. lol
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