Saturday, July 10, 2010

Creativity anxiety - Originally posted 5 August 2008

I hate when that happens but it nearly happens every single time.

So I'm starting to work on the piece for the September show for the Artemis Mourat workshop... my music is picked... the mood is really given by the music so that's decided too... I have some ideas of things that I want to do to the music... but nothing that I'm 100% happy with yet.

I know that I have not "played" with it enough yet... nowhere near that... But every single time I'm planning a new performance thing, I have creativity anxiety. It's hard to describe but I'm like afraid that I will do a bad job of representing the feelings in my head, that the moves will not be as kick a$$ as they could (more because of bad choices vs. bad technique), things like that. I know... it's the Censor being rampant. But it's hard to shut it down.

The only time that it doesn't do that is when I create a choreography for my students to incorporate some of what I taught in an organized fashion. I know that I could try to fool myself that I should create it as if I was going to teach it to someone but my Censor can't be that easily fooled, apparently.

I always end up with someting nice enough to my liking. But I just hate the anxiety in the beginning. And I just feel like screaming "ENOUGH!" (and stomping my foot too for good measure). *sigh*

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