Saturday, I was hesitant over my piece for the Ariellah workshop. The issue was that I was feeling myself wussing out. I showed Jeff some of the ideas and I ended up showing him to whole piece. I felt very vulnerable in that moment. He has a good eye for belly dance and I wanted it to look good. Basically, he told me that the ideas looked good but that I did it too timidly... which, he was right, that's how it ended up...
And then he got into this passionate diatribe as to how I should practice with 100% intensity, all the time (for a performance, that is)... he was so cute... for anyone who has seen a passionate diatribe, he's quite lovable in that state and is also very convincing. lol
I came to a realization as we were chatting (once he was a bit calmer): when you take a workshop, you often learn the choreography moves and then, at one point, the instructor says "Now do it as if you were on stage." And then you 'perform' it. There is a distinct different attitude in me when I do that. It's like I 'fluff up'... lol Like, for instance, in the Golden Opportunity, Ariellah would encourage us on the third day to put in some passion and she would always ask for more and I gave it my all. I didn't think that I had done anything interesting but she told me that I had good (evil? :p) intensity in the choreography. I didn't even know that! lol I thought that I had done just okay. Anyway, the realization was that I can do it when it's someone else's choreography... but I haven't managed to do it much so far on my own.
So one of the issue is that I don't believe that I did something that is good enough. I doubt myself. I doubt my choreographing abilities. And so I timidly do my thing 'cause I'm not convinced that that's what I should be doing. Whereas, in a workshop, I know that what Rachel or Ariellha or whoever has put together is good. Yeah, it's an issue.
But now that my very own belly dance critic had said that my ideas were good but they just needed some 'oomph', it was easier to do the oomph... I mean, if he likes it, it means that it's good enough. ;)
So, yesterday, I practiced my piece with more intensity. Interestingly, it burned me out! I could only do the piece 2 or 3 times in a row. Afterwards, I needed a break! I don't know how many times I did the piece all in all. I would do it a couple of times, take a break, and do it again... and again... and again... Last night, I was sore... way more sore than I should have been. But I did have way more intensity. So I guess that intensity takes a toll on you! :p
Now I feel way more ready for Saturday. I still need to practice (with intensity) some but, if I put as much intensity as I did yesterday, it should be good. ;)
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